Penzi Worldwide

Hi darling,

Heavens knows how eagerly I am waiting to call you mine. Truth is, I can’t fathom the feeling of being your husband. The thought of it makes me leap with love [you know that feeling where your body just vibrates to the thought of someone? I know you do] and at the same time the uncertainty around it makes me weak: but that is probably because you will be my weakness, literally. Oh how I wish the future was a definite period! The wait is killing me.

I really don’t know how you will see and receive me the first time we cross eyes  and lock paths, or how do we put it? ………  I am just playing……… or maybe, we already have but I didn’t realize it.  I can’t fathom the qualities and characteristics you have penned down concerning me. I am actually laughing at the thought of it. Good thing is, I already have met the first characteristics of your list because I am tall dark and handsome. No need to worry about that. The other characteristics shall be worked ot as we go by.

I really don’t know what you expect of me but I will give you a taste of it. I am a young man that is broken; broken by times, situations, circumstances and people. I am so poor at relating with people that I am afraid I might lose you at some point.  That is my biggest worry. As I write this letter to you, uncertainty crowds my mind regarding the issues that are taking place in my life at the moment.

Dear future wife, I am broken. I won’t lie to you that I am complete. I trusted people, gave my all and at the end they broke my heart. I regret why I had ever done so. My heart is in pieces. Pieces I am recollecting everyday trying to restore each to its original place. I wish I had been more careful: careful on who I loved and who I made friendships with. Though broken, my heart feels like a stone. It feels so hard to get through to me. At one point the term love seemed like a huge four letter lie.  As hard as it is to admit, some of the pieces are so broken I can’t find their place. I have been broken by circumstances, especially those when I felt God was a far off. There are emotional deserts I had to wade through and swamps I had to crawl though. Those valleys of emotional and physical breaking were discouraging but I came out alive.

Dear wife, my emotions. Yes my emotions. Should I say I am an emotional wreck?  Probably so! My emotions fail me. I don’t understand them too. They rise and fall unpredictably. I don’t hate people but I feel them draining my strength, often.  I feel irritated when I stay for long in crowds. Most of the times I like being alone but that is something I will have to compromise when I find you. I have had my issues with self esteem growing up. There are times I thought I was not good enough. My self image was far from glorious. I loved my personal space. Honestly, this is a war I am constantly winning one day at a time and hopefully it will be over soon.

Did I say I am affected by words? Yes and guess what? My primary love language is “Words of affirmation.”  I love those sweet nothings. I know you will whisper them to me always. I love those words of praise, those that boost my persona and ego. As often as thou will, baby whisper them to me and let them be music to my ears.  And talking of music, I don’t know what your taste is but I love Rhumba, lingala,  mostly because of the beats and vocals, RnBs and reggae too, mostly the lovers rock kind of songs. My favorite song is “Ye Oyo” and I can’t wait to see you walk queenly down the aisle with the song playing in the background to your king. Baby, we are going to rock it. The lyrics are just what my heart exclaims.

Ye Oyo (Here she is)

Ya kobokola na ye bana (The one with whom to raise children)

Moto ya ba principes (The one with principles)

Motema elingi (The one my heart loves)

Aza wapi? (Where is she?)

Ye oyo liboso nanga (Here she is before me)

Aleki bango nionso (She is the best of all)

We will dance a lot and even though I am no good dancer, we will move to the rhythm that we will create with our heartbeats.   I will be your heart and you will be my beat and together we shall dance to our tune, our own song, our own rhythm, our own melody.

I will shed tears I know. But they will be tears of finally finding someone who appreciates me for who I am even as I progressively become a better me. And guess what, we shall drown in love.

Baby, here is the best part of this story. I don’t come alone. I bring my husband in this relationship. Relax! It is not what you are thinking about. I am a bride to Christ even as I continually become your groom. This man has loved me and shown me the true meaning of love and this I seek to experience with you. Remember the broken pieces I tried recollecting? This man came and told me He could create a new heart within me. And yes he did. He got me covered.

Darling, I love poetry. Yes I do and I actually write my own. My desire is that the vows we will exchange on that wedding day will not be the obvious one. Trust me to play with words and bring out the love groove out. You know I will. I hope you love poetry too. My favorite poem is “Lapobo.” You should check this one out. The writer must have been thinking of you on my behalf. I love reading books too. They keep me knowledgeable and I find it fun too.

Darling, I already have the picture of those Kodak moments we shall enjoy. Those moments by lake as we chill and enjoy the breeze, holding each other in our arms. The birds will be chirping cheering us to grow deeper in love; the trees will be swinging to and fro waving at us celebrating our love: the wind will be hushing us calming us to love even the more. Baby, the swoosh of the waters coming onshore will rise and fall as if in a manner to bow to our love. How beautiful will that be!

Dear wifey, I love swimming too even though I am no fish. It is therapy to me. I love going into the open spaces on the countryside and just breathe in the fresh air, meditating on life. I love my ‘me time’. I love being alone at times just to refill my cup, re strategize and to rethink.  I love writing. Yes. Just writing whatever I have in my mind. This is my primary way of expression. Hopefully we can co-write a book mostly on love.

Did I say my favorite colors are maroon, purple and pink? I know it is weird but that is it. This can assure you already that we are going to make our love story colorful.  And food? I triple love chapatti. Is there an English term for that? I don’t know. I could eat them anytime any day. If by any chance you don’t know how to cook them, which is a crime [haha], then we will have to learn together how to make them.

Babey, I want to be the male version of Ruth to you.  I plan not to leave thee save in death, which is no time soon. I want your people to be my people. Where you go baby we shall go together. I want to love you so ‘ruthlessly’ the world will have to know. The beautiful ones they say are not yet born but I know it is because they never met you. We will grow young in love and we shall live to celebrate our love story.

One more thing darling; When I find you, I will call you coffee. You know why? It is because you will be definitely hot!

I love you!

Yours sealed in love,

BP Mwangi.