Often
I wake up feeling so unqualified.
Wanting to give up
Wanting to call everything off
My insufficiencies engulf me
Like a bubble
And whisper loudly how much
of nothingness I am.
And honestly, sometimes I believe it.
My inabilities seem to be weightier than who I really am.
Unqualified.

As my feelings betray me
So does my mind.
It joins in the bloody war
and almost immediately joins the cue.
Thoughts racing of how not good enough
of a person I am.
Thoughts of how weak of a being I am.
Thoughts of pessimism
Sprout like a seedling in the view of sunlight.
Unqualified.

My mind was supposed to be my friend yet it becomes my worst foe.
Speaking against the same being it controls.

Unqualified.

My sins won’t let me rest.
The devil whispers how much
of a stained being I am.
How filthy and unclean and unloved I am.
The guilt of my sins
like a chain around me clang
Reminding me of how bound I am.
I feel worthless
Incapable to approach His throne
Incapable to lift my hands in worship.
Like a movie,
my sins scenes appear before my eyes
And forgiveness
seems like a theory .

Unqualified.

Yet I still hear Him whisper
Calling me to the deep
Asking me to drown myself
In His love.
The whisper so gentle and so clear
Reminds me that
His delight is in using the unqualified to fulfill His works.
My stains He tells me
Are not a place of residence
but of reference
From where He has bought me.
My chains He tells me
He broke then off at Calvary
I am no longer bound
Of my insufficiencies
He reminds me that it is okay to be flawed
And He calls me child.

Qualified.