In the previous post, I pointed out that everyone goes through pain what differs are the experiences we go through that bring about the aforementioned.

If you study the Word of God, pain seems to be like a necessity in the life of every believer. It is almost as if we must go through a certain kind of pain; that is guaranteed. I look at some of the people who had a very painful lifestyle and I am left wondering what the mind of God is when he is allowing us to go through pain. I look at the life of Jeremiah and that prophet of God really suffered. Why would God even cause Jeremiah pain to serve as a lesson to the nation of Israel? He suffered rejection, mockery, ridicule, he was beaten up and thrown into a cistern and there was a plot against him to have him killed.

I have grown up all my life as a Pastor’s Kids and I can tell you for sure all the pain I have experienced in my life is directly or indirectly related to that fact. If you are an ardent follower of my blog, you have probably read the article I wrote concerning pastors’ kids. One of the commonly heard statements about pastors’ kids is that they are the most rebellious and the most morally corrupt children. While that could be true, these same people never sit down to want to know why these PKs are like that. I want to submit this to us, every rebellious, drunk, weed-smoking, club-going, depressed, promiscuous PK is a hurting child. What you see and term as rebellion is just a fruit of what there is in the root system.

Allow me to also submit that a pastor’s family has the most difficult lifestyle any family can ever live. Things are not as heavenly as they always look to be. If you were to be in it, you would realize that the pastor’s family is just an ordinary family going through what other every family goes through. It is prone to what every other family goes through. As a matter of fact, there is hell in some of the pastors’ families than there is a heaven. The pastor hurts too. He is not immune to hurt. The kind of hurtful experiences a pastor goes through, if we were to be given those same experiences, we would probably give up sooner than we imagined.

I am just a Pastor’s kid y’all.

People have very high standards for the PK which if you ask me is quite unfair. I think people fantasize that we sleep in heaven and wake up to drop to earth in the morning. Not so dear reader. We sleep in a bed like you do, in a house like you do and we live our lives just like any ordinary human being.

If there is an identity that has hurt me in my 27 years of living is that of being a PK. There are things you cannot do, there are words you cannot say, there are places you cannot visit, there are people you cannot walk with, there are television shows you cannot watch, there are songs you cannot sing, there are books and magazines you cannot read and definitely there is a sense of fashion you cannot ascribe to and not necessarily because it is ‘bad’. No, it just doesn’t fit the PK according to people. On the flipside, people expect you to know the Bible from Genesis to Revelation quoting every Scripture word for word, you are expected to only sing and listen to Gospel songs, you should know how to pray in the Spirit like your parents, you should talk to Jesus face to face, you are expected to be serving in one of the ministries in church, you should at least know how to play at least one instrument and if not hat at least know how to lead worship, you are expected to be a role model to other children and you are expected to be in your best behavior all the time. Those are huge expectations.

What happens, because the expectation and standards have been set so high, as PKs we end up failing to meet almost all of them. The criticism that follows is what drags us mostly in to the ditches that we find ourselves in. And you know the devil is also very intentional on destroying the seed of the pastor. Therefore, as we are facing criticism from the church, family and those around us, the devil prepares a platform for us in the world where we can be ourselves without anyone judging us. All we are always looking for is a place where we can be us, our real selves without having to put up a falsity of who we are. What happens is that when the PK goes out into the world, he or she goes full throttle. It is as if there is no turning back.

The world needs to realize that just because a parent is a pastor does not mean that the children have also been called into ministry as well. The calling is on my parents and not me for crying out loud. Before I am a pastor’s kid I am just a Kid! You should not place an identity on me based on my parents calling or career or profession. And this actually goes for every other child whose parents are in different professions. Just because my parents are teachers does not mean that I should get excellent grades in school. I am a child learning just like everyone else. I believe the point is home.

As PKs we do not receive the love that is rightfully ours from our parents. Why you ask? It is because our parents are so busy trying to meet the needs of their congregants and most often, they forget they have their families to take care of. Sometimes our parents come home late in the night because they were doing home visitations or praying with people in church or because they were attending a conference somewhere and many other explanations. I wish our parents would understand that we need them most and they are our parents first and then ministers or pastors secondly. We rarely feel their love. We want them home early enough so that they can help us with our homework, so that we can play together, so that we can even cook and eat dinner together. We want them to hug us and embrace us and tell us that they love us. We want them to see us as their children and not the pastors’ children. We want them to talk to us as their children normally without having to quote scriptures to prove a point.

Sadly, that is not always the case.

Have you ever asked a PK if they want to be a Pastor? Majority will tell you they never ever want to be a pastor. Ask the pastors’ daughters if they want to be married to a pastor. None want to be married to pastors. Ever asked yourself why? It is because there is more than meets the eye.  Some of the pastors do not have perfect families. It takes a great amount of humility and pretense to present the face of a united family every Sunday and yet return home to a hell of a family. Some have dysfunctional marriages. The husband and the wife do not see eye to eye but for the sake of the church, they have to show unity of mind, family and purpose every Sunday. Some of their families are falling apart. Children and parents no longer talking; children do not want even to be within the church setting. It is because of the pain they go through back at home.

As children, it is so unfortunate that we are always at the center of the spiritual and physical battles that the pastor’s family goes through. Most times, we are just innocently going through life but the odds seem against us. We wonder why we would serve a faithful God yet His faithfulness seems so amiss from our homes. We wonder why we serve a God who is mighty in battle and yet we are in losing battles every day. As children we wonder why God would answer the prayers of our parents when they pray for other people and yet He does not answer ours when we pray to Him. We wonder why we would go through ridicule from the same people we are serving. When I was growing up, there were statements that would hurt me to the core whenever I would hear them. Our parents would buy us a new pair of shoes or a new dress and you would hear congregants say that they were bought with their offering. How insensitive can people be? We wonder why our parents seem to love their ministry or church more than their own family. We just did not know how to respond to all these. How do you respond to spiritual attacks and you are not really aware that they were just transferred battles that your parents were fighting?

We are not bad as PKs, most times we are just hurting. If you see a PK acting weirdly, instead of judging them, would you care to know if there is a problem and how it could be addressed. If you see me in a club, do not be quick to say that I have become rotten. Care to know why I am drinking.

I will tell you this for free, as PKs when you see us in our rebellious state, we are silently screaming ‘I am hurting please help me!’ You now know better. Next time before judging and giving us and identity tied to our parents calling, know we are children and we also hurt.

So, Help, I’m hurting!