When your goal in dating is finding someone to marry, you should go about dating in a
way that helps you accomplish that goal.

The whole point, in other words, is to get to know the person well enough to make a decision:either yes, we should get married, or no, we should not.

Some people call this “dating intentionally,” because you are dating with a purpose anda goal.

Of course, some people have “goals” in dating that don’t include marriage, but people who talk about “dating intentionally” usually mean dating toward marriage.

Besides having a goal of marriage, an important part of dating intentionally is to be clear about your objective.

Dating always involves two people, one of whom is not you.

The key word here is intentional, not intense.

So, you’re going to have to communicate to let the other person know what your intentions are.

Being intentional doesn’t mean discussing your upcoming marriage on the first date.

That’s a bit weird and really isn’t appropriate; it could either set up false expectations or rightfully scare them away.

Remember, the goal of a first date is to get to know them and see whether you want to pursue the relationship further.

Actually, that’s not just the goal of the first date; that’s the goal of every date.

If you don’t want to pursue the relationship further, you should end it.

It’s like driving down a street with traffic lights at every intersection; if the light is green, you keep going for
another block. If they all stay green, then eventually you can be confident you have the green light to marry.

But if you come up to a red light—some clear reason why you shouldn’t marry each other—the relationship stops.

You end the relationship and seek out
a new street instead.

Men have a bigger responsibility when it comes to being clear in dating.

Men are called to be leaders within marriage (Eph. 5:23; 1 Cor. 11:3), so it makes sense to practice that in a dating relationship.

Ephesians 5:23
[23]For the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the Head of the church, Himself the Savior of [His] body.

1 Corinthians 11:3
[3]But I want you to know and realize that Christ is the Head of every man, the head of a woman is her husband, and the Head of Christ is God.

Leaders provide direction and remove confusion.

Men, you can do a good job of this by;

1. Making it obvious that it is, in fact, a date. Girls, if a guy asks you out, one-on-one,
   has no business-related agenda, focuses the conversation on learning about you, and
   pays the bill, that should be enough evidence that it is a date.

If he calls soon after to
ask you out again, that’s a sign he thought it went well.

Right?

2. If things are going well, ask her out regularly, like once a week.

That is way more
clear than, say, going on one date in July and then calling her up again after Christmas.

It shows that you are interested in her and that you’re serious about building a
relationship.

3. Defining the relationship. This is such a key part of dating that it’s commonly
   referred to in shorthand slang as “DTR.”

Defining the relationship may not need to be
a specific event, but if in doubt (or if she seems to be in doubt), clarify your
intentions and where you stand.

4. If you decide that it’s not going to work out, you’re going to have to let her know. If
   you’ve only been on one date, simply not asking her for a second date should make it
   clear.

But if you’ve already gone on several dates or have been together for a while, you’ll need to say something.

Don’t just stop asking her out or start ignoring her calls
and hope she’ll eventually figure it out.

Be gentle but clear.

If things go well, you’ll face the decision of of whether to get married.

Before making those vows, go through premarital counseling at your church or through some other Christian marriage ministry.

Marriage is the biggest commitment you can make to another person, and I want you to be clear about what you’re agreeing to and have realistic expectations.

A good premarital program will also help you think through and talk
through important aspects of marriage, such as any plans for raising kids, how you’ll manage your combined finances, and how you will handle different household chores.

Deciding such things before getting married can save you a lot of potential stress, disagreement, or disappointment after marriage.

Date right, marry right, enjoy marriage.